


With Or Without You

by Queen_Morbid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Miscarriage, Soulmates, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-18 16:52:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16998864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Morbid/pseuds/Queen_Morbid
Summary: Far before there was Mary Campbell, Dean, and Sam, there was Y/N. She had been the first love of John Winchester’s life, the cause of many good and bad memories. However, after the loss of their unborn child, the two severed their ties and moved on. But many years down the road, the two run into each other, both living very different lives, and their love for one another not quite snuffed.





	With Or Without You

The years had dragged on by, pushing both people in opposite directions. Their love at one point could have overcome many things, many trials, and tribulations. But the moment that it couldn’t, they gave up. And it wasn’t as if they had stopped loving one another, because they were still very wrapped up in each other, but the loss they had endured, trumped that love. John’s hazel eyes scoured her face, searching desperately for any tell-tale sign of discomfort.

Yet, there was none. Minus a few crows’ feet, she looked the same as when he left her. She had aged well, still a bit of youthfulness shining in the depths of her gaze. Her hair was still the same, wild and free, unscathed by confinements. She still held that power over him, despite all the years that had passed. But what could he expect, they had separated when he was 22 and her, 20. That had been 20 years ago, he was now in his 40’s and she in her late 30’s. She had been his great love story.

He had a dead wife and two grown sons, he was also a hunter of the supernatural. He also didn’t know what she was, or if she had a family. Maybe she had found someone, or maybe she didn’t. Maybe she was okay being alone, and maybe she wasn’t. He had no damn clue. “It’s been what, twenty years? I never thought I’d see you again.” She said with a shaky voice.

“Honestly, I thought the same darlin’.” He said with that Kansas twang.

Y/N felt like her whole universe had come crashing down the moment John Winchester left her life, and after a while, she was able to get over it. Until now, she was reliving all the emotions she had spent years trying to cover up. She felt defeated and weak, and she wasn’t sure why he was here or what he wanted. Unlike her, the world hadn’t been so kind to him. It was evident in the lifelessness of his eyes, the fine wrinkles along his forehead, and an aura that was dark and rooted.

“How’d you find me, John?” She asked with furrowed brows.

He continued searching her face before his gaze drifted over her shoulder, peering curiously into the open space of her house. He couldn’t see much given that she was blocking most of his view, but she was a sight to behold anyway.

“I never lost track of you.” He said with a simple shrug.

Her eyes were quick to narrow, assessing him consciously. His arrival had been unknown, and the fact that he was standing outside her front door, attempting to have a conversation with her, was bewildering. However, she couldn’t hush the small voice in the back of her head that beckoned her to invite him in.

“Do you want some coffee?” She asked.

It was a shock, her inviting him in. But it was also an offer he couldn’t refuse. So, with a nod of his head, he watched as she stepped aside, welcoming him in. He trailed after her, boots scuffing against the wooden floors. He towered over her easily, and in a sense, he felt like he had the old need to protect her all over again.

But she wasn’t his, and he wasn’t hers. They were two completely different people now, not the two young and stupid kids were so naïve and so in love they had been years ago. She ushered him to the kitchen table where he took a seat across from her. She silently slid him a cup of coffee, their gazes locking for what seemed like an eternity. And while they stared helplessly at one another, they were faced with the harshness of the past.

“I l-lost the baby, it was me! I couldn’t do the one thing a woman is able to do! I know you hate me, John.” She growled out, angry tears threatening to spill.

He stood just a few inches from Y/N, eyes shielded off from the world unwilling to express the truth of his emotions. For the last two months, all they had done was argue and scream at each other over the same subject. The death of their unborn child, their daughter. Y/N had been 5 months along, nearly 6 when she went into preterm labor. Their daughter had only lived 10 minutes before taking her last breath and ceasing to exist.

He understood the delicate state of mind she was in, for god’s sake she had lost the fetus growing inside of her. He also knew that she felt like it was her fault, that there was something wrong with her. But he was also grieving, he had lost a child too, and they both handled their grief in the worst possible ways. He resorted to drinking, and she found solace in ignoring him unless she was ripping him a new one.

Before he had any time to respond, she was slamming her hands into his chest. Their fights had never gotten physical, and of course, he’d never lay a hand on Y/N, but their relationship had turned into a ticking time bomb. This was going to be the straw that broke the camels back, and they both knew it.

“Just admit it, you blame me! Just admit it.” She cried, tears finally breaking free and trickling downwards.

She kept hitting his chest, the jabs becoming harder each time until he had enough. A snarl rippled past his lips before giving in to her demands. “You’re right I do blame you! Is that what you want to hear? I can’t do this shit anymore Y/N! I can’t, it’s drivin’ me up the damn wall. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

 

She was the first to break the silence, “Why are you here John?”

He had to blink a few times before refocusing on her with a slight sigh. “I don’t have much time left on Earth, and I needed to right the wrongs I’ve made. You, being the biggest wrong. I came here to apologize.”

She could feel the patched-up pieces of her heart beginning to crumble beneath the weight of the information she had just received. John was dying, but of what? Cancer? Heart Disease? A tumor? The possibilities were endless, but the one that was true, she came nowhere close to.

John Winchester had made a deal with the demon Azazel to save his son’s life. A deal that John would have made over and over without a second thought. His boys were all that he had left, and despite his strictness with them, he loved them deeply. A love that could only be conjured up by a father.

“You’re dyin’?” She said.

All he could do was nod before leaning across the table and clasping one of her hands between his. “Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to walk out on you, especially after losin’ our baby. I was just in a bad place, but so were you, and I abandoned you. There wasn’t ever a day where I didn’t think about ya, how I wanted to come back. But I couldn’t, and I’m sorry.”

Silent tears poured from her eyes as she tried to blink them away. He had to be serious about dying if he was apologizing to her for things that happened years ago. Squeezing his hand gently, she’d offer a small, weak smile. “John, we were kids. We weren’t ready for a baby, nor were we ready for the loss of one. God put a trial in front of us, and we failed. We weren’t meant to be, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did truly love you. I forgave you the moment you walked out the front door. Even if it hurt, even if it still hurts. Cause’ you were my heart and soul.”

For a few hours, the two brought each upon the events that happened in their lives after their break up. John had met a woman named Mary Campbell and married her, also having two sons. Y/N had 2 sons and 1 daughter, all around the same age of Dean and Sam, however, she had divorced her husband for lack of compatibility. At the end of the day, she had given her heart away to someone a long time ago and never got it back.

John didn’t bother letting her in on the fact that he was a hunter or that supernatural creatures roamed about. Or that he sold his soul to a demon, a powerful demon at that. For just a brief few hours, he could pretend that he had a normal life and catch up with an old lover. An old lover who still owned most of his heart.

The time he had left would be spent with his sons, but he had to see Y/N, one last time. So, when she escorted him back to the front door, it was a bittersweet moment. One that crippled both, forcing them into a tight embrace.

His lips easily found hers, hands cradling her face as wiped her tears away. “I’ll be seein’ you. One day.” Then he was off, leaving Y/N standing there, watching him leave for the second time in a lifetime.

But this would be the last time she ever saw John Winchester, and he would her heart to his grave.


End file.
